By Jennifer Russell and Bryan Franklin
What is Conflict? There's a subtle difference between healthy conflict and what we call unhealthy conflict.
Unhealthy Conflict: Conflict is anytime you're so triggered that you lose your ability to be yourself. You literally loose the ability to "handle it" and devolve into something between a child like tantrum and a cross-armed lover... touting the silent treatment. Your higher self fades away and all thats left it your unconscious automatic response.
Damage! For unhealthy conflict to have occurred, there must be emotional damage... like hurt feelings, broken trust or anything else painful...
Healthy Conflict: A normal conflict can consist of mature and intelligent discourse and the ability to agree to disagree, without getting your feelings hurt or taking it personal.
You don't choose your triggers? The nuances of your personality that determine what you're most emotionally sensitive about, is the human races most ancient toxic tradition.
Triggered Parents = Triggered kids! The situations that emotionally polarize you was determined by the life situation you were born into.
Echos of the past. If growing up, you lived through a traumatic experience... Any situation remotely similar can trigger you, even if there is no risk of danger.
Conflict in a vacuum? It's a common flaw to pretend our love life occurs in a vacuum... independent to the other parts of our life... However the fact is, the same things that effect us in our relationship... effects us every else...
Relationships are just so intimate and emotionally demanding that triggers and trauma can't help but find away to come up...
Toxic Cycles! The horrid realization you have after doing all the inner work of understanding your triggers and trauma, is
"you can't undo the past"
and you can't undo the trauma. In fact these same triggers will keep resurfacing in unexpected ways... Even if you change partners... even if you move countries... Even if you suffer from amnesia...
Unless you respond to the trigger in a way that is healthy... and there are only 2 healthy responses to triggers, but first...
Sign up and learn:
- The step-by-step process of dismantling your trigger in the moment
- Why we've become grateful for the triggers in our evolutionary relationship
- The two "types" of healthy trigger responses, and why you likely only track one of them and totally discount the other
- How to make sure your resolved conflicts stay resolved
- The 3 "Must Do's" of healthy conflict
- Why being good at "conflict resolution" - the way its normally taught - can actually hurt your relationship
Introducing The Conflict Course