Having an evolutionary relationship doesn't happen by accident. Most of what we know about how to be a good (or terrible) boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife comes from TV and Movies. And most TV and Movie marriages are incredibly dysfunctional. (Probably because most movie writers, directors, and actors also have incredibly dysfunctional relationships.) They are either total fantasy with no basis in reality at all, or they are downright abusive.
With no real education on how to do it, it's no wonder so many smart, emotionally aware, and spiritually minded people secretly have a really difficult time in love. Part of the problem is we've been taught through the media that some really bad behavior is actually normal. You may think you can fix your relationship on your own, but that rarely works...most of what's creating the problem is squarely in your blindspot.
Commonplace, ordinary views lead to having commonplace, ordinary relationships. When you are out of alignment in your love life, you are likely holding beliefs that seem like they make sense on the surface, but actually strangle the magic out of what could otherwise be epic and lasting love.
Having an extraordinary relationship is something you consciously create by taking off of automatic many of the distortions, patterns, and narratives you have been believing. Everything you do is either pulling intimacy towards you, or pushing it away.