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Module 3

Rewriting Your Patterns and Breaking Bad
Repetitive Habits

LESSON 4: Who's Pulling The Strings?



In this lesson, we explore the 3rd layer of your automatic patterns. Universal mechanisms drive our behavior more than we think. For example, when we try to control someone, it automatically creates rebellion. Then, control and rebellion play out a conflict with each other that we have little individual ability to shape or change.

That's because "control" and "rebellion" are universal mechanisms. They are not personal to you or your partner. They are mechanisms that drive toward conflict in any person who uses them (or is being used by them).

Here are the 3 mechanisms that most people use when they are in their pattern:

Anxious & Avoidant

Control & Rebellion

Superior & Inferior

When you identify universal mechanisms in the people around you, you can also see them in yourself, because they always come in pairs. Where there's rebellion, there is control. Where there is superiority, there is inferiority. Where there's anxious insecurity, there is avoidant insecurity.

Everyone who uses one side of a mechanism uses the other side.  If you only think you use one side then the other side is likely in your shadow - which means you can't see that you do it.

Share below about which of these energy patterns you are most likely to operate from in the specific pattern you are looking to rewrite.


See how attempts to control others actually create rebellion in them and vice versa
Learn the way "Superiority" and "Inferiority" undermine healthy relationships
Learn about anxious and avoidant attachment styles and see how they affect you patterns
Understand the mechanism that drives your pattern (so you can change it)


“The shadow is not a problem to be solved or an enemy to be conquered, but a fertile field to be cultivated. When we dig our hands into its rich soil, we will discover the potent seeds of the people we most desire to be."

- Debbie Ford

REFLECTION QUESTION  | Answer the question(s) below

Which of the 3 mechanisms are you most likely to use? What is an example of something you do that fits that mechanism?

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