1 | Welcome To Evolving Love (6:00) |
1 | Set Yourself Up For Success (3:00) |
1 | What Is Evolving Love (10:29) |
1 | Your First Big Insight (5:03) |
1 | QUIZ: What Did You Learn In Module 1? |
Breaking Bad Repetitive Habits
1 | Why We Do What We Know Is Bad For The Relationship? (5:46) |
1 | Innies and Outies (Repressive & Reactive Patterns) (3:07) |
1 | Unhealthy Behaviors That We Can Stop (4:49) |
1 | Who's Pulling The Strings (5:57) |
1 | Freedom From The Victim Story (7:36) |
1 | It All Comes Down To This (1:33) |
1 | Unwinding Your Patterns (You Can Do It!) (13:05) |
1 | How To Make Good Habits Stick (5:57) |
1 | Knowing Yourself (And Your Partner) Completely (4:40) |
1 | What Did You Learn In Module 3? |
1 | No More Complaining And Defensiveness For Us (7:42) |
1 | Resolve Your Conflicts Permanently (3:47) |
1 | 3 Mistakes People Make When Using This Process (7:07) |
1 | DEMO: Bryan And Jennifer's (Real) Conflict (11:53) |
1 | DEMO: Bryan Sees Jennifer's Perfection (9:00) |
1 | DEMO: Jennifer Sees Bryan's Perfection (11:41) |
1 | DEMO: Bryan Shares A Future Vision Of Jennifer (16:05) |
1 | DEMO: Jennifer Shares A Future Vision Of Bryan (7:26) |
1 | Lightning Fast Conflict Resolution For Couples (5:34) |
1 | What Did You Learn In Module 4? |
1 | STEP 1: Which Conflict Would You Like To Resove Most? (4:19) |
1 | STEP 2: Writing Exercise - Finding Your Partner's Present Perfection |
1 | STEP 3: Get Ready To Be Your Best Self (2:32) |
1 | STEP 4: Practice Open Generous Listening (4:32) |
1 | STEP 5: See Your Partner's Perfection (3:09) |
1 | STEP 6: Transforming Your Complaints Into A Positive Vision For The Future (17:41) |
1 | STEP 7: Sharing Your Best Future Vision (5:24) |
1 | What Did You Learn In Module 5? |
for Conflict
1 | Anatomy Of Conflict: The More You Understand, The Smoother Things Can Be (2:06) |
1 | The Fights That Have Been Going On For Centuries (5:59) |
1 | The Unversal Patterns That All Couples Fall Into (3:48) |
1 | It's Not All About Your Childhood (But Some Of It Is) (4:26) |
1 | Power, Control, And Projection (9:34) |
1 | Why "Never Go To Bed Angry" Might Be Horrible Advice (3:30) |
1 | What To Do About Unmet Expectations And Unexpressed Needs (16:19) |
1 | Seeing Conflict With "Perfect Vision (11:34)" |
1 | The Main Theme Of Your Life Story (5:35) |
1 | What Did You Learn In Module 6? |
to Extraordinary Love
1 | Breakthrough #1 - Defining Yourself Is Limiting Yourself |
1 | Breakthrough #2 - It's Not Supposed To Be Hard Work |
1 | Breakthrough #3 - You Might Be Making The Wrong Lists |
1 | Breakthrough #4 - Commitment Isn't What You Think It Is |
1 | Breakthrough #5 - All Your Parts Deserve Love |
1 | Breakthrough #6 - You Can't Measure Love |
1 | Breakthrough #7 - Bad Isn't Always Bad |
1 | Breakthrough #8 - Focusing On Happiness Doesn't Make You Happy |
1 | Breakthrough #9 - How To Really Love An Inner Child |
1 | Breakthrough #10 - Which Way Should You Be Facing? |
1 | What Did You Learn In Module 7? |
1 | The Deepest Reason To Be Together (12:17) |
1 | The 2 Mistakes People Make When Co-Creating A Future Vision (1:34) |
1 | Good Examples Of A Common Purpose (And Some Bad Ones Too) (3:14) |
1 | Who Gets Their Way (And Why) (2:19)? |
1 | Example Of A Relationship Purpose (3rd Pole) At Work (7:46) |
1 | Defining And Communicating Your Relationship's Purpose (19:21) |
1 | What Did You Learn In Module 9? |
1 | Daily Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - The First Light Practice (5:52) |
1 | Daily Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - The Checkin Practice (7:57) |
1 | Daily Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - Think Three Times Practice (4:57) |
1 | Daily Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - Be Nice To Your Imaginary Friend Practice (3:15) |
1 | Daily Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - Attraction Gardening Practice (4:02) |
1 | Weekly Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - Energy Exchange (8:46) |
1 | Weekly Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - Bring New Creativity Practice (4:14) |
1 | Monthly Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - The Consideration Exchange Practice (11:15) |
1 | Monthly Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - The Undefended Request for Feedback Practice (12:50) |
1 | Yearly Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - Renewing Your Vows Practice (5:24) |
1 | Yearly Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - Shifting Your Narrative Practice (4:27) |
1 | What Did You Learn In Module 10? |
1 | Yearly Practices For An Extraordinary Relationship - A Special Invication For You |
Module 3
Rewriting Your Patterns and Breaking Bad Repetitive Habits
LESSON 9: Knowing Yourself (And Your Partner) Completely
RESOURCES
LESSON DESCRIPTION
In this lesson, we put all of this into practice with our 'Rewriting Your Pattern' exercise. Download the workbook below and follow along with the video and instructions. Make sure to choose 1 very specific and persistent pattern that you'd like to use for this exercise. You'll use the Identifying Your Pattern table in the workbook to identify the particular snake-like shape of your pattern choose the most predominant way of being at each layer until you get down to the root.
There will be a sentence stem to fill out which will begin the unwinding process as you identify what the real cause of your pattern is as it shifts from the more superficial layer which often primarily involves the other person's actions and behaviors and instead focuses on the core beliefs that are creating the mechanism, behaviors, and expressions above.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN
5 LAYERS OF A PATTERN
PATTERN UNWINDING PROCESS
1. Pick one persistent pattern that you’d like to rewrite. Name it. Make it light hearted as it will have less power over you if you can bring humor and play to this exercise.
2. Identify the shape that pattern takes through each of the 5 layers using the 5 layers diagram on page 4 above.
○ Starting at the top layer you’ll identify its specific expression (reactive or repressive).
○ Next begin drawing a line from the expression to the specific behavior layer that corresponds to this pattern.
○ Next you’ll draw a line from the behavior to the specific mechanism.
○ Draw a line from the mechanism to the specific core belief of this pattern
○ End by drawing a line from the core belief down to the root. The line created by this specific pattern will form a snake-like shape.
3. Then start this sentence: “I used to think that what was triggering me was ________ (fill in your original story). Now I know what was really going on was _______________ (fill in the real layers of the pattern here).
“The shadow is not a problem to be solved or an enemy to be conquered, but a fertile field to be cultivated. When we dig our hands into its rich soil, we will discover the potent seeds of the people we most desire to be."
- Debbie Ford
REFLECTION QUESTION | Answer the question(s) below
When you followed the pattern unwinding process Filling in the sentence stem below. “I used to think the reason I was triggered was_______. “Now I realize that what was really going on was my own pattern of __________. How did it go when you shared this with your partner?
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