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Module 3

Rewriting Your Patterns and Breaking Bad Repetitive Habits

LESSON 9: Knowing Yourself (And Your Partner) Completely



In this lesson, we put all of this into practice with our 'Rewriting Your Pattern' exercise. Download the workbook below and follow along with the video and instructions. Make sure to choose 1 very specific and persistent pattern that you'd like to use for this exercise. You'll use the Identifying Your Pattern table in the workbook to identify the particular snake-like shape of your pattern choose the most predominant way of being at each layer until you get down to the root.

There will be a sentence stem to fill out which will begin the unwinding process as you identify what the real cause of your pattern is as it shifts from the more superficial layer which often primarily involves the other person's actions and behaviors and instead focuses on the core beliefs that are creating the mechanism, behaviors, and expressions above.


Choose one persistent pattern to completely rewrite
Explore the specific shape your pattern makes in each of the layers
Discover what belief is at the root of that pattern, which might not be what you once thought
Learn what is really going on which will help you unwind these pattern once and for all



1. Pick one persistent pattern that you’d like to rewrite. Name it.  Make it light hearted as it will have less power over you if you can bring humor and play to this exercise.

2. Identify the shape that pattern takes through each of the 5 layers using the 5 layers diagram on page 4 above.

     ○  Starting at the top layer you’ll identify its specific expression (reactive or repressive).

     ○ Next begin drawing a line from the expression to the specific behavior layer that corresponds to this pattern.

     ○ Next you’ll draw a line from the behavior to the specific mechanism.

     ○ Draw a line from the mechanism to the specific core belief of this pattern

     ○  End by drawing a line from the core belief down to the root.  The line created by this specific pattern will form a snake-like shape.

3.  Then start this sentence: “I used to think that what was triggering me was ________ (fill in your original story).  Now I know what was really going on was _______________ (fill in the real layers of the pattern here).

“The shadow is not a problem to be solved or an enemy to be conquered, but a fertile field to be cultivated. When we dig our hands into its rich soil, we will discover the potent seeds of the people we most desire to be."

- Debbie Ford

REFLECTION QUESTION  | Answer the question(s) below

When you followed the pattern unwinding process Filling in the sentence stem below. “I used to think the reason I was triggered was_______. “Now I realize that what was really going on was my own pattern of __________.  How did it go when you shared this with your partner?

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