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Module 6

There's More Than One Reason for Conflict

LESSON 5: Power, Control, And Projection



In this lesson, we explore the fourth layer of conflict (-1), Power Control and Projection.

Have you ever witnessed someone in a conflict, with an angry complaint that other people were doing *exactly* what they, themselves were doing? Have you ever noticed someone do something silly out of spite just to exert control in the situation (like breaking something or locking the car door)? If you have, you are observing the fourth layer of conflict.

It can be humbling to realize the degree to which we are all, always - yes always - acting out this layer in our conflicts. But this realization can also be the key to freeing yourself and your partner from this painful layer.

Share in the comments a place where you are casting yourself or others as the victim, hero, or perpetrator. Can you find where you are actually the author of the story instead?


Be gentle on yourself and your partner! Realize that everyone exerts power, control, and projection.
Learn what projection is and how to identify it
Learn when you, yourself are projecting, and what the internal experience feels like when you are doing it
Learn what to do if you feel your partner is projecting or using power or control tactics
Learn a process that will help empower you in a healthy way in order to help unwind some of the unhealthy expressions of power and projection

“Emotional Maturity means that your awareness operates even during the most profound emotional states."

- Richard Rudd

REFLECTION QUESTION  | Answer the question(s) below

Recognizing this layer: Are you casting yourself or others as victim, perpetrators or heroes? Where are you play one of these roles? Can you find where you might be authoring this story?

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